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-keep me-
give me something to
start looking forward to
give me a reason,
what am i supposed to do?
keep me on your leash,
i swear i will behave for you
keep me on your noose
i swear i will honour you
give me something, please?
something to believe in...
look into my tattered soul
show me just what life is
lift me off the ground
lift me off my feet
carry me above the world
hold me close, carry me
i broke appart, fell appart
i cracked once again
and here i am on my knees
help me, let me mend
i will be yours, i swear
i will belong to you
i will obey your wishes
i will do it all for you
keep me on your leash
show me what is right
keep me on your noose
keep me close, keep it tight
was i mistaken to belive..
that you could do this for me?
give me something
i will make believe
was i wrong again?
please, please say no
save me, shape me,
what should i show?
take me from this hollow world
provide me with substance
give me something to live for
you are my sustenance
give me something to breathe in
i will breathe your skin
give me something to hold on
to, i will hold you in
keep me on your leash
show me what to do
keep me on your noose
i'll do anything for you.
-if you promise to drown me in it-
i wish i could say to you
that there's no tears left
that there's no more crying
i'll clean up this mess
i'm sorry i can't say to you
"i promise i'll be okay"
but the ground crumbles
i know i'm slipping away
i know you couldn't care less
you don't care anyways
never mattered how loud i'd scream
or what i'd have to say
i could cry you a river,
you'd only drown me in it
i'll fall appart on paper
just go on and bury me with it
i'll bleed for you i swear
until white roses turn red
i'll weep for you an ocean
to drown me in again
i'm sorry i couldnt say it
i never stood up for myself
i'm sorry i reached for your hand
i'm sorry i asked for help
and i know you wish i'd fade away
well i'm sure i know i do
and how could you not hate me?
i'd fucking hate me too.
if only i said something
to make you give a damn
maybe i wouldn't be so cold
alone, and ashamed again
i will cry you a river
just swear you'll drown me in it
take my shame, indesency
and fucking drown me with it
i'll plant you a beautiful garden
just bury me underneath
and take my need to be near you
and bury it with me
i'll bleed every white rose red
and every red rose black
but i am still your door mat
and you won't take me back
i'll lie beneath your pedestal
i'll lie beneath the dirt
i'll drown within my shame
if you don't drown me first
i'm your scum, i see
if that's the way you treat me
i'm sorry i'm so low
and you see nothing beneath me
but i cant take the beating
i cant take the pain
i'm sorry i can't do it for you
though i deserve it anyway
but i will cry you a river
just fucking drown me in it
and take all my dreams, darling
and smash my face in with it
and while you are at it,
why don't you just disgrace me?
destroy everything i have left
why don't you fucking waste me?
i guess i'll be your door mat love
there's nothing i can say
to make you pick me up
and wash away my shame
i guess i can play dolly
just for you, one last time
before you finally drown me
in this river that i cry.
-no title-
my eyes, they see things
that you can never see
i am blind to you
as you are deaf to me
nothing is black and white
everything is grey now
i let my guard down
and things changed somehow...
something's were once
etched in stone,
but those things aren't true
and don't exist anymore
people die, or run away
people get left behind
but wounds they always heal
and scars fade over time
it will get better
i have to believe
if i lose faith,
it will be the death of me
though no matter
how hard it is now
it could always get worse
someway, somehow...
and here i'm left speechless
once again
watching life grow
out of things that decay
and every thing's so real
that it seems fake
but i dont understand,
how can i explain?
everything thats here
was nothing once
and who you hate now,
you could grow to love
nothing is definite
it will always change
in circles life goes
nothing stays the same
no one ever said
that it would be easy
no one can tell you
just how its going to be
things, they just happen
however they may
just accept it the way it is
and live for today.
-ugly girl-
you know things will never go
exactly the way you planned
you know that when you're reaching out
no one will take your hand
because we look down on you
as you look down on them
and this is the way that it will be
until the very end
you know you are an ugly girl
rotten to the core
you know you are a filthy girl
a rancid little whore
but she loves you still, regardless
of all you've put her through
because inside herself she sees
a little bit of you
you know the mirror's your enemy
when it looks at you that way
you know that no one hears you
whenever you speak up and say...
all the things that lay on your mind
that no one wants to hear
because you are so ugly
the ugliest, my dear
you know that when you look at me
i'm looking back at you
you know i know everything
and all you'll ever do
because i am inside your head
and here you're inside mine
and it wont ever go away
until our end is nigh
-no title-
im sick of the bullshit,
sick of the lies
sick of you kicking me,
and making me cry
im sick of being on the ground,
looking up at you
when you should be suffering
for all you put me through
and in the moment,
when i needed help
you ignored my pleas
and left me crying out
you never could lift a finger
just for my sake
you always did just leave me
crying out this way
and all i ever did
was do everything you asked
every stupid request
every useless task
but all you do is sit there
stuffing your selfish face
i wish i could teach you
put you in your place
you should fucking pay
for all the tears ive cried
you're the one who should suffer
it's your turn to cry
i know you are the one who's wrong
i know that i am right
but you just cant accept it
but i wont give up this time
i'll kick you down where you belong
put you in your place
teach you a lesson
for making me feel this way
it is all your doing
this is all your fault
and when you're dead and in the dirt
all my problems will be solved.
-regret-
I see your tears fall
as you reminisce
remembering it all
and everything you miss
I wish I could look back
on something for once
that didn't shame me
for all the things i've done
I wish I could remember
one point in my life
which I dont regret
but those thing cant be mine
I wish I could look back
on everything I had
I wish it didn't break me
but no one understands
I wish there was just one thing
one thing that I miss
that I didnt regret
like her gentle kiss
I wish I could look back
on when i was sixteen
drinking like a fish
and i loved being me
I wish I had the memories
that didn't make me cry
wishing it never happened
wishing I could die
I wish that there was something
that didn't end in pain
leaving me alone
drowned in tears and in shame
I wish that I could look back
on kisses and laughter
without remembering
the tears the morning after
I wish that it all happened
the way that I planned
instead of being pushed away
stripped of all I had
I wish I didnt decide
on the choices you believed
were right for everyone
but they weren't right for me
I wish I didnt regret
every single thing I did
I wish it didnt sting
I wish it didnt burn like this
I wish there were good times
fond memories to be had
i wish there weren't tears
for every time I laugh
I wish I could look back now
on all the things I miss
without it knocking me down
and hurting me like this
but things were just that way
they never turn out right
the best days always ended
in me crying alone at night
I never thought that I could be
everything I was
and now it only shames me
remembering all I've done
first kisses, holding hands
promises and "I love you's"
I wish it didn't shame me
remembering all i would do
I see you looking back
with fondness in your eyes
when all I can remember
are days that I despise
I wish there was a memory
that wasnt attached
to something that broke my heart
and took away all I had
I wish that all your faces
didn't make me recall
all the tears and disgrace
but I see it in you all
everybody reminds me
of something I'd rather forget
your faces are all tied to
all the things I regret
and the best things I've ever had
either ended in pain
or started with my heartache
and remind me of my shame
it never does get easy
but thats just what I'm dealt
though it would be nice
to forget all the pain I felt
I never could imagine
one thing that was right
that didnt result in tears
and this deep shame of mine
I never will look back though
on a single thing
that won't remind me of pain
that I was once feeling
I guess thats how life goes
nothing turns out right
everything turns sour
day always turns to night
there's nothing that will come
of this that I won't miss
but everything will be tied
to deep regret like this
-embedded-
if only it were a lot of things
if only it could be
if only it wasn't so damn hard
if only i weren't me
i wish i could just wish away
everything i see
i wish i could just be a part
of the lives all around me
but i am stuck here, so alone
with no real way out
and even when i try and try
i know i'm fooling myself
who am i, who are you?
who the fuck are we?
what is all this nonsense?
what is it that i see?
i never could just get it straight
but looking deep inside
the mirror shows a stranger
from which i run and hide
i wish i never met you
never saw your face
i wish i could escape you
and this horrid place
but it seems that you're stuck
to me and all i know
and you are everything
i've tried not to show
you are all around me,
you are all i breathe
you are all i've ever known
the reason why i bleed
i wish i could get away from you
and the ones you love
i wish i knew where to go
some place i could run
but inside my eyes you remain
burned in me forever
i know no matter what i'm told
it won't ever get better
you are such a nuisance
screaming in my ear
telling me things i know
things i don't want to hear
but it seems you are inside me
and i cant scratch you out
every word i say
is coming from your mouth
i wish i could change
my god damn point of view
i'm sick of being bound here
by beliefs enforced by you
you are what made me
but i can break away still
i don't know how or when
but someday i will
i wish that you would leave me
good riddance and goodbye
but i know there will be a part of you
with me until i die
i know i can't let go
no matter how hard i try
because you are embedded
deep inside my mind
i wish you couldn't be here
for everything i do
but sadly you are me,
it's so sad that i am you.
-no title-
i broke apart, i've broken down
just to see you smiling.
i would give anything
just to see you smiling.
in this world there is only
just the two of us
in this world i see a dream
and it's me and you, my love
everything, before it changed
into everything you bring
everything it was so bare,
so ugly, and sickening...
but you've come to me, and now i
feel that i am whole
and you reach out to me
i'm not bleeding anymore
tears will be, as tears will be
they will never go away
tears i see on you and me
i know they'll never ever fade
but as long as i am here
i will wipe your tears away
and as long as you are near
all my sorrows they will fade
for you...
my heart it broke, so long ago
i dont even know how
i survived and got away
but at least i have you now
no more unseen tears will fall
and you're right by my side
no more broken hearts will be
i know that you are mine
i forgot what it was like
just to feel like i was whole
but now i know, i know it now
i'm not empty anymore
you've become everything, you see
and you have breathed me in
you make it go away
by the mere warmth of your skin
never say goodbye to me
i dont think i could survive
never say farwell and leave
i couldn't live that life
i'll always keep you near
near enough to feel you breathing
i'll always hold you, dear,
just to hear your heart beating
never say goodbye, or go away
i dont know what i would do
never walk away from me
this is all i ask of you
and i will be, i swear i'll be
everything you've ever dreamed
and i will be, for you i'll be
everything you'll ever need
just for you
-closing in-
i feel i am trapped here
between these shrinking walls
broken down and no way out
through suffocating halls
the doors dont seem to open
and the windows are glued shut
there is no where to hide
from you and your poison touch
i feel that i am stuck here
there is no escape
but i need to get out of here
i need to find a way
the tears they've become endless
though theres no reason to cry
but it burns me endlessly
i feel i'm losing my mind
every light touch stabs within
i feel that i've lost it all
i dont think that i can win
with every step i fear i'll fall
but whats the reason in fighting
when i always lose?
whats the use in screaming out,
to the deaf like you?
my eyes, they are burning
from all the things you do
everything you say
the shit you put me through
i dont know who i am
or what i really feel
but these scars remind me
the past is really real
i feel that i am trapped here
there is no way out
and theres no use in asking
for you to come and help
the walls they close in on me
and crush me underneath
and here alone i will die
alone here i will bleed.
-fading out-
a dream was made inside my eyes
and a love was growing deep inside
and now i know not what to do
because i feel like i'm losing you
you never know just what to say
not that it would make a difference anyway
i dont know why i even borther at all
because i'm not even worth it at all
i thought i could be everything to you
and everything would be okay with you
i never dreamed that you would make me cry
or make me feel so weak that i could die
it hurts so much that i dont know how to feel
how does it hurt so bad when it feels unreal?
i dont know what to do, or say to you
i dont know what it is that i should do
i wish that i could reach out to you
i only want to be right next to you
but you do not care, i know better
to think that you would love me forever
i hear it in your voice, when you say "i love you"
that you'll see that you dont love me, soon.
-make it better-
i wish that you could make it better
but i dont know how to believe you
i wish that you could just make it better
i know that i would do the same for you
you never want to speak the words desired
you never do just say what i ask
i dont believe you love me like you used to
i should have known your love would not last
i'm unlovable, i guess i should face it
no one ever stays in love with me
i could marry you, and spend my life
in this lie, just only loving you
but some how i feel your lies will crumble
and you'll tell me you dont love me soon
take it all away its all that i ask
i wish that you would mean "i love you"
i wish that i believed the words you say
i wish i could believe i'm loved by you
you took it all away, now i'm empty
and my heart it rests there with you
if you say its true, that you dont love me
i dont know what i would do
i feel like i could die, without you
losing you would be the death of me
i dont know where i would go
if you're no longer waiting there for me
tell me everything that i want to hear
tell me you will love me forever
tell me it's okay, it will always be
take it all away, and make it better...
-Beloved.-
i see the signs, i know you're there
but i'm trying damn hard not to care
i dont want to love you the way i did
i want everything we had to be over with
i dont want to have feelings like this
but you keep crawling back, as i once did
i hate to admit, you're constantly missed
and i never forgot your gentle lips...
but i never knew why i fell for you at all
and why when i forget you, you start to call
i know not why you keep coming back this way
saying we should talk, but what's there to say?
it's over for me, thats the way i would have it
i'm surprised at how long our love even lasted
and i miss you still, i love you still
but this fondness is not my will
i wish i could hate you, and forget your face
at the same time, i wish you had stayed
i never knew what to expect from you
i never wanted to fall in love with you
but you were the first, in my heart you remain
in the back of my mind, you'll always stay
i wish i could just let go of the past
and forget about you, it's all that i ask
i want to move on, and devote myself
not to you, but to someone else
you're not in love with me the way that i wanted
we were inseperable, but somehow we lost it
and i could never let you go completely away
theres always a part of me that wishes you'll stay
i need you in my life, though i wish you were gone
i've had this weakness all along
and if it were the way i had wanted then
perhaps i wouldnt have wanted it again
maybe if you said yes, it would have been me
who broke your heart, and decided to leave
but my heart was the one that was broken, not yours
and i dont even know what you're looking for
because if you love me now, you must have loved me then
then why would you have said goodbye over and over again?
i know not the answers why, but i will stop asking
and search for everything that i've been lacking
so i can be perfect for her and not you
and i can devote myself to being without you
first loves they stay in your heart like a scar
and will hurt in the end, like it did from the start
for my beloved, inside there is greater room
for my beloved, she is no longer you.
-like me-
how did you even survive;
how did you make it this far?
i never thought you had it in you
i never knew you had the heart
i know you're too weak though
to keep it up like this
and you're slipping away fast
surviving on your wish
you only have hope left
no certainty lives here
and soon it will be dark
and you'll suffer in fear
i've seen these hallucinations
that you call dreams
i've seen this lie
that you call a memory
i've seen the life you lived
and the way you think it went
i've seen you cry alone
and the waste of all time spent
you never will escape here
you'll never get away
you're meant to only suffer
you're meant to slip away
you're on this world for no purpose
your existence obsolete
you are just a waste
you are way too much like me
-M.L.W.-
I wish I knew the answers why
I wish I could always make you smile
I wish I knew how, where, and when
And all I can do is wish again
I never wanted you to go away
It broke my heart when you didn’t stay
Believe me I love you dearly
And it hurts, when you aren't near me
Dear Morgan, please don’t go
I need you more than you could know
I don’t think I could survive
Without you here, by my side
You just came back, and soon you'll be gone
It hurts so much, feels so wrong
You know now what I am going through
And soon I wont even have you
I understand that you miss him
And that you long just to be with him
But I think this break will do you good
Much more than you think it could
And I’m just bitter once again
Because you're leaving me again
And I need you even more now
What do I do, when you're not around?
You just got here, and soon you'll leave
And I’ll have no one to care for me
No one by my side at all
My hands are slipping, I don’t want to fall
I need you here to keep me sane
I need you here to keep me safe
And I don’t know how I’ll get along
When you leave me, once you're gone
Honestly I don't think it's fair
Honestly I wonder if you still care
And it hurts to feel this way about you
Because, my dear, I adore you
I never want to think this way
Thinking you won’t care anyway
Thinking that you enjoy this
Leaving me longing for the ones I miss
And the only person who understands
Is now leaving, letting go of my hand
And this joy was short lived
I don’t think I can live through this
Without you, I don’t know how
To survive when you’re not around
Everyone's leaving, gone far away
And all I ask is for you just to stay
And I suppose it’s too much for me to ask
And I guess it's a difficult task
But I do need you, I need you, dear
I’ll fall apart without you near
All high hopes of an easer life
Start to dissipate over time
And now without you to hold my hand
How will I do it? I don’t think I can.
I know you won’t stay, not for me
But I want you to know, that here I bleed
For everything I thought would be okay
I have to wait all alone for that day...
I never thought you'd leave my side
I need you, to stay alive
But I can't force you to stay
And I want you to be happy anyways
And regardless of how this aches
I want you to be happy anyways
And no matter what it takes
Even if you must go away
I want you to be as happy as you can
Even if I’m alone, once again
But I still think it's better this way
Better for both of us if you stay
Even though it hurts so much
Distance seems to strengthen love
And this is a difficult test
But the results will be the best
I know that if he loves you that much
That months form now, he'll still be in love
But I don’t own you, I don’t control you
I just need you, I adore you
And I wish that more than anything, you'd stay
I don’t want you to go away
And a true friend should always say how she feels,
Without you, I don’t think I can heal
I need you to keep me strong
I’ve needed you here, all along
And I know you need me to keep you sane
How can I be here for you, if you're far away?
I feel so useless, and out of the loop
and I have no choice, but to start missing you
I guess I wont ever have any say
On whether you go, or whether you stay
Just know, my dear, you'll be greatly missed
Just know, I’ll still love you regardless.
-my friend, i hate you so-
Of this pain, I wish you were aware
but I see in your eyes, you never cared
and if you did, that part of you died
whenever it was, I lost track of time
I wish you could stay, I honestly do
though at the moment, I’m so sick of you
telling me things you know I want to hear
then running away, with promise to stay near
always just forcing these tears out
and you don’t understand what I’m crying about
I wish there was something I could say
but you didn’t even care when I left today
I guess there’s no hoping that you'll stay
I depended on you, but you're going away
and I will have nothing, no one is near
stuck alone, with only my fears
of loneliness, and drowning in the dark
of losing you, and us growing apart
and never have I felt so strange
being with you just wasn’t the same
and so often I longed to get close
tell you my secrets, everything I know
but you were so distant, we weren’t ourselves
too much to say, no way to get it out
we swallowed our words, or I know at least
the one who was suffering was me
I wish I could have held you and said goodbye
for I know not how long it will be this time
it's difficult to open up to you
when I feel I could die when I look at you
I never though it could hurt like this
there’s no one left for me to cry with
and all the tears you could have wiped away
you never saw, but you don’t care anyway
even if you knew that I was hiding in the dark
losing my mind while you were breaking my heart
I know you'd have just turned away
if you saw me crying yesterday.
I know I have nothing, though it's a lie
everything will come to me over time
but my patience wears thin, and now you'll leave
while I waste away here, with only me.
You promised, you promised, you gave me your word
I know what you said, I know what I heard
I know you had plans, but you threw them away
I know you missed me, but not enough to stay
and now you are going away
here left behind, I’ve gone astray
I hate only myself for this
not being good enough just to have my wish
not being everything you needed of me
not being good enough for you to stay with me
I know now I love my allies too much
and I’ll break the instant that I am touched
by unwelcome hands, wishing to feed on my soul
and threes no more, there's nothing to know
though I wish I knew myself anyways
I wish I knew the words I should stay
I wish I could go with you, be happy for once
surrounded by people, everything that I love
but you vanish, before I have a chance
to even reach out to take your hand
this feels rotten, seems like betrayal
but I only regret the fact that I failed
I guess I was never worth the wait
and should have known you weren’t going to stay
but I’m not allowed to hate you, though I wish I could
I told you I love you, and promised that I always would
and I don’t know about you, but this tears me apart
here you are leaving, and taking my heart
and you will wait with it miles away
while I wait for you, slipping away
I never thought you could make my cry
but no matter what, my eyes wont stay dry
I wish there was some other way I could make you see
but there’s nothing I can do, you'll still leave,
my beloved friend, I hate you so
for leaving me behind here, all alone.
-waiting for the summer-
finally, i can breathe
though sometimes it still hurts
i dont know how to live
when i'm here without my world
once upon a time, i was
captured, kept away
when my captor set me free
i only wanted to stay
death by broken heart,
i thought would bless me
until you came along
when everyone had left me
suddenly it hurt less
but it somehow hurt more
because eternity eats away
at all i wait here for.
give me your solemn word
promise me forever
i beg you must comply
i trust you will deliver
in the summer, where i'll be
in your arms, my love
feeling completely whole
under the burning sun
-no title-
i wish you'd burn the pictures
and forget my face
i wish you'd just let go
and just go away
i'd like it if you'd make up your mind
but it seems you're too damn dumb
and now i am laughing
because this bullshit's left me numb
with every attempt you made
to come back to me
just to decide you were wrong
and want nothing to do with me
and everytime that i crawled back
after everything you did
you'd think that you could just stop
and dicking me around like this
ill say it plain, to you now
i'll speak up and say it clear
you're just too ugly,
and not good enough for me, dear
and all the time we spent so close
i feel it's been a waste
being so in love with you
despite your ugly face
i dont know how else to put it
to get it through your head
but you know it's all your fault
you're the reason it had to end
perhaps if you never said goodbye
i'd be in your arms
but i'm glad thats not the case
you don't deserve my heart
and now you appear out of the fog
and now you miss me so
but im telling you the way i feel
and certain things i know
i dont need you in my life
and you have not earned me
i dont think i could ever forgive
the horrible ways you hurt me
i hate to dumb things down for you
but you're just to goddamn slow
trying to say you love me
when you told me to go
and now im gone, and here you are
but i have moved on
so theres nothing left to say
but you dont have my love
what you yearn for, you cant have
you'll never have such luck
i'm glad that part is over
and that it's all dead between us
i know you think i'll come crawling
just to profess my love
but you can't make me happy
you can barely even fuck.
-no title-
things were once different
then there was you
you told me i was beautiful
i fell in love with you
once i was alone
and then there was you
i gave you all of me
and i had all of you
once i was happy
then i lost you
you left me stranded
longing for you
once i liked boys
and then there was you
and i did everything
i was told not to do
once i was happy
only with you
you made me smile
and all my dreams came true
filled with thoughts
and dreams of you
and the rest of my life
was devoted to you
then you were gone
there was no more you
i drowned in tears
no one to turn to
i was afraid to call
but i needed you
i shut you out
but i needed you
then you came back
but then there was he
he took everything
and lied to me
but i took a chance
it was you in my dreams
but you both left
then there was me
so long i spent
with only myself
thinking of you
needing your help
my heart it bled
the heart you broke
and there was happiness
for me, no more
now i still love you
in some sort of way
but "i love you"
you'll never hear me say
for i do not love you
like a wife should
i no longer love you
as much as i could
you are a memory
and as such you remain
in the back of my head
is where you should stay
you are like poison
you tore me appart
you felt like heaven
then crushed my heart
now you've come back
but now i have her
and she is far more
than what you are worth
you "miss me so much"
but all i have to say
is i no longer, and never will
love you the same
i know your heart hurts
though it makes me smile
this is what you deserved
all this while
when i was hurting
you were never there
and it seems you still love me
but i no longer care.
-no title-
neverending questions,
they seem to start to fade
a never ending ego
that i know has gone away
broken down, and brooding
dreaming your demise
living this in question
this is not my life
where are you now?
now that i'm calling your name
where are you now?
i thought you would stay
where are you now?
you have gone away
where are you now?
you said you'd stay.
what has happened,
where have we turned up?
this world is twisted
i'm jaded and fucked
altogether, i seem fine
but this isnt me
you look at me, think i'm fine
but this was never me
am i just a spectacle?
look, point, stare
am i just a freak show?
it's like i'm not there
look at me with empty eyes
into me, my empty lies
take away all i've believed
and this is my demise
undying truth, but i dont know
just what the fuck to say
there is no such thing
as "indefinite" anyways.
i never though i would turn out
to be screaming behind
bleeding, shouting, crying
hidden behind my smile
- no title -
in the summer days i remember you
and all the stupid things that i used to do
but things have changed and so have we
i dont know you, you dont know me
everything is crowded, but where are you?
are you too busy, doing what you do?
though it's fine, this is okay
you dont fit in my life anyways
i'm sure i was mistaken, at who i saw
i'm sure i was blinded, i know i was wrong
you never did mean a word you said
and i'm glad now this is the end
but i still adore you, for some sick reason
no matter how bad it hurts, i still feel this
sick and strange devotion towards you
though secretly i wish to destroy you
-no title-
i'm finding it difficult
to get out the right words
and no matter how hard i try
somehow it still hurts
i can't just let go
and be as perfect as i wish
but my dreams will never be
anymore than this
i can not imagine
being how i'd like to be
unbroken, and undammaged
how would that feel for me?
i can't even picture
living with no shame
never looking back on
a past that's full of pain
i wish i could let go
of all my inhibitions
never feeling down on myself
never feeling like this
but that is not meant for me
and neither is this life
i broke down and i'm trying to stand
but it feels like these legs aren't mine
well, i don't know where i started,
so where do i go from here?
how am i still breathing
how the hell am i still here?
i feel like my neck is breaking
like it will soon snap off
i feel like i am broken
and nothing is how i thought
so when i don't know where i started
where do i go from here?
where did i even come from?
how the hell did i get here?
where do i go from this place?
when i don't know where i am
if i don't know which way is up or down
tell me how i'm supposed to stand
i know i'm a broken record
when will i stop going round?
well i guess i'm just going in cirlces
how the hell do i mute this sound?
at last i have found something
but it's so far out of reach
now how do i get close to it?
when i can't get close to me?
-emily-
there's so much i want to tell you
things i'm sure you know
there's all these things i have hidden
but it's time for me to show
i've waited too damn long
to let you see inside
and now i'm going crazy wishing
you could read my mind
theres so much i have to show you
theres things i need to say
but i know you see it all coming
you know it all anyway
but it's time for me to be open
with you, my sister dear
for everything i've hidden
was all for senseless fear
i know you will accept this
and you will love me anyways
but theres just something holding me back
from all i need to say
i wish that i could be open with you
just let it all come out
because i know that you'll still care
what am i so worried about?
you have seen me from the start
grow into who i am
you were always there for me
reaching out for my hand
i'm sorry i rejected you
it has been way too long
but it's so damn hard for me
to just say all i want
i think that it is obvious
to you, it has to be
i know you know my secrets
but wont come ask me
and i wont come out and say it
so how will you ever know
unless i just overcome my fears
and let you see what i must show
-no title-
i want to make it perfect
i want to make it right
i want to heal my scars
i want to dry my eyes
i want to look in the mirror
and see a pretty face
i dont want to be abandoned
alone left in this place
it would be nice for once
if you didn't shut me down
if you didn't shame me
and shove me to the ground
i wish i could just let go
and forget your face
i wish i could just run
and leave this horrid place
my thoughts run rampant
i'm cold here in the dark
the only sound i hear
is the breaking of my heart
each stitch as it snaps
hurts so much i could die
but here i keep on living
here i'm wondering why
i hurt myself to feel
i cut just to be numb
i hurt myself to be seen
in hopes i'll soon be gone
i don't know the answers why
i'm not sure i know myself
but in the shaddows i remain
i'm too proud to be helped
so where could one go?
when there's nowhere to turn
what could i want?
when there's no reson to yearn
what desire could i have?
when the world has turned to shit
what the fucks the point?
why am i like this?
where did we go wrong?
right when we were born
we really shouldn't exist
we shouldn't be here anymore
people just like you
are what's wrong with the world
everything would be perfect
if things were left as they were
but we just had to take it
fuck it from behind
tear the whole world down
and claim the dirt as "mine"
fuck your damn beliefs
god won't save you know
i know that you're praying
but no one hears a sound
sorry to dissapoint you
but you know it's just a lie
hope you're fucking happy
there's nothing after you die.
-i hate you, too-
i know how you look at me
there's nothing i can do
it's okay to hate me
because i fucking hate you too
i hope you fucking rot
you really make me sick
but it seems you've sunk your claws in
it seems you can't un-stick
you are so damn rotten
you're a shallow bitch
you're an empty shell
you're a waste of skin
i hope some day it hurts you
to know just what i think
i hope someday it burns
i hope like hell it stings
i hope one day my thoughts
tear you limb from limb
i hope that your life ends
so mine can begin
i know you look down on me
the failure that i am
i know that you are laughing
just laughing once again
i know you fucking hate me
i fucking hate you too
i hope some day it hurts
each time i look at you
i hope my every glance
sears right through your skin
i hope that your heart breaks
with my every grin
i hope each time i laugh
that you wish you could die
i just cant fucking wait
so you wont be alive
i hope it fucking hurts you
each time i glance your way
i hope it fucking burns
because i feel the same
i know you think i'm scum
i'm not worthy of you
it's okay to hate me
i fucking hate you too.
-no title-
The sky is emptied, so am I
The sun has gone off to die
I have no reason to be awake
I am a fool, utterly fake
The stars are smothered again
There is no beginning, only end
Where did this bring me?
What is it I wish I could see?
What did I do, or fail to do?
Was I such a shame for you?
I looked at you through broken eyes
Hiding my past, and deceitful lies
Glimpse through everything I hide
These memories can't be mine
How can you look at me and say
That I have gone truly insane?
How can you insist my past
Is all a joke, should I laugh?
I remember, but you don't
I won’t bring it up anymore
You will believe what you want
While all alone, memories haunt
Me, and everything you ignored
And what is it I’m searching for?
Once I see, I will tread on
But I am stuck, I feel so wrong.
I feel defiled, rotten, and vile
But just for you, I will smile
Grinning through the piercing ache
I endure this for your sake
When will it end? Who will say?
If I even manage to escape...
Where would I go then, where would I...
Be without these dreams of mine
And all the ties that hold me down
To you, that voice, a dreaded sound
And our blood, it flows right through
Through our veins, to me, from you
And if I reject it, what is next?
That will be my bloody end
Who’d have thought? Surely not I
But I dreamt about it sometimes,
The day I would be utterly free
But that is only make believe
I am stuck, forever and ever
I know it won’t really get better
I know it's a lie out of your mouth
Just to calm your wretched self
Take one look, and a hundred more
Find what it is you're searching for
And when it is, give me a glimpse
As to why you stare me down like this
Tell me why I was always sub par
And how I seemed to push too far
How could I do everything wrong?
Were you the failure, all along?
I never did know just how to say
But I will when I leave you someday
And with your claws that I rip out
I will be left without…
Never alone, smothered by you
Forced to do all you want me to
But where would I be then?
I would just be lost once again
Never will I be satisfied...
-coming up roses-
you're coming up roses
with razor sharp thorns
every time i touch you
i'm tattered and worn
i'm coming up weeds
these pesticides kill
i breathe in this poison
i'm coming up still
how nice it would be
just to turn back around
to hide underneath you
deep under the ground
far where you can't find me
and only roses will grow
and i would stay hidden
not torn anymore
i'm seeing things strangly
nothing ever stays
i thought that it would once
but things always change
and too bad i cant help it
just slow down a day
where i can just breathe
and relax for a change
but nothing is stopping
momentum's only gained
and things are so scary
it just won't stay the same
i'm not like you think
i'm just a weed
i only grow to die
don't depend on a weed
i'm here to be stepped on
i can never grow tall
i'm just a weed
torn, fragile, and small
-why should i?-
behind the lies, behind betrayal
i see you stare, behind your veil
i see you watching my every move
i see it all because it's you
you're always there, i love you dear
i love you, don't get too near
all you ever do, is hurt me so
i don't want to hurt anymore
i could do it all until i'm dead
and rise to do it all again
and still the lies, promises you break
i know you'll never stop these games
and why should i just turn back?
why should i do these things you ask?
throw my life away, and lie to you
is that what you want me to do?
would it be fair? i disagree
if not for you, what about me?
why should i? just because you ask?
why should i give you all i have?
when i have given you everything else
what would be left just for myself?
why should i just give it all up
just for you... and then what?
the pleas keep coming, there is no break
why do you do this? why play these games?
and why should i? why should i lie?
accept your heart, and make it mine
why should i? when you only hurt me so
and still you lie, and hurt me more
why should i turn around again?
put off my life for one more day
why should i ever? why should i?
why would i do that? i couldn't lie
i'm sorry the truth hurts, makes you cry
but tell me, darling, why should i?
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